January 2, 2022

You May Not Remember Me…

It has been almost five years since my last blog post. To say a lot has changed would be an understatement…

When I started to blog in 2013, I was newly married with four young kids at home in a blended family. We were so incredibly happy and the kids were thriving in our new blended family. We had difficult relationships with our former spouses so I found it to be cathartic to write about my experiences. As time went by, I was inundated with stories from other divorced families who were experiencing the same difficulties we were experiencing. At the time, I wrote a lot about how the situations we were encountering would affect the children in the future. I started a book about my experiences, but I have put the book on hold so I can see how some of these situations play out prior to publishing.

Many people have wondered why I stopped writing five years ago. Up until that point, I thought I was doing pretty great with the co-parenting thing. I may not have done everything right, but I worked hard to keep the peace and to try to do whatever possible to make things easier for my kids. We were on a good custody schedule and everyone was happy. Then five years ago, when our youngest two girls were becoming teenagers, things went horribly wrong. Situations happened in our life that made me think, “Why am I writing about this stuff, when I clearly have no idea what I am doing?” I had tried everything I could think of to improve our relationships and they were only getting worse. My stepdaughter stopped speaking to us and we had no idea why. My stepson moved in with us full time for a while and then left full time. My kids were spending more time with their dad and I was struggling with the new 60/40 split when they had predominately been with me since birth. It was a very hard time in my life and so I stopped doing the one thing that used to bring me peace. I stopped writing about it.

I gave up on the thing that I believed in from the beginning. I gave up on co-parenting. I gave up on trying. I stopped talking about it to Joe. I sadly chose to not think about the kids when they were not with us. It was my coping mechanism. If I thought about it like they were just away at boarding school, then I could handle it better. I just shut down. Sure we still went to all of their games and we still had my kids a couple days a week… during those times I could feel normal, kind of. However, I wasn’t completely happy.

Over the past five years, I have spent all of my energy into growing a successful real estate career and focusing on my friendships. I stopped trying to force relationships that were obviously not working. I stopped texting. I stopped lecturing. I stopped trying. It wasn’t until we became empty nesters that things finally feel right again… Ironically, we have better relationships with all four kids than we have in years. They are free to make their own decisions and so it’s such a blessing now to have them FaceTime, call, visit, etc… We genuinely have a great time together every time they are home.

As a mother, my biggest desire for my children is for them to go out in the world and accomplish great things while learning to be independent. I want them to make their own decisions and shape their own futures. Of course I am here to talk and advise when needed, but for me the biggest success will be for them to make something of themselves and travel and try new things and meet new people. One son will be finishing his degree in accounting next year and our youngest is a freshman playing basketball in college who has already decided she wants to move to NYC when she graduates. Our oldest son is working full time and our oldest daughter is working to go back to college. I am so proud of them as they all work toward their goals. I want to watch them all soar!

My point in writing all of this is to give hope to those who may not have the best relationship with their kids after divorce. Parental alienation is real and very insidious. So if things are not great or if your kids are on the “team” of the other parent and don’t think they can love you both or if you just can’t get them to even answer the phone or see you… there is hope. There will come a day when they see the whole picture. It will take some maturity on their part, but it does happen. They will finally understand that they can love both parents and that there is no competition in that. And let me tell you that it is a beautiful day when it happens. Your relationship will become stronger than ever and you will have hope for what the future holds. Look at me… I am even writing again! Keep loving them every single day and they will come back. ❤

May 5, 2017

(Happy?) Mother’s Day!

******Posted originally on my first blog, “In The Valley – My life as a single mom” on May 9, 2011.*****

People who are newly separated often ask me, “When will things return to normal?”  After being a single mom for almost seven years I always tell them that I have learned that there is no “normal” anymore.  As a single parent you have to create a new “normal” for your kids and yourself.  No matter how hard you try, things will not be the same as they were before.  Not to say that things are worse than before – just different.

And the harder you try to recreate the “normal” you knew before, the harder the transition will be on everyone.

Mother’s Day is a perfect example.

I know there are some single moms who are blessed with ex-husbands who still take the kids to get cards and gifts for their mom – I am not in one of those situations.  My ex didn’t even wish me a happy day…

When we lived in Greenville, my parents always took the kids out to get me something.  Last year, my boyfriend took them to get cards and gifts.  This year, I just didn’t think about it.  As a result, I spent the day reassuring my children that I was having such a wonderful day since they had no gift or card for me.

And it was a wonderful day.  My daughter brought me breakfast in bed.  Then we went to church and, afterward, had a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich lunch together.  Then we went to see Hoodwinked Too and hung around the house all afternoon.

It wasn’t until today that my emotions got the best of me and I realized that I was exhausted from trying to make sure my KIDS had a great Mother’s Day.  I didn’t need flowers or extravagant gifts or a corsage, but I couldn’t help but feel guilty that my kids were missing out on the true Mother’s Day experience.  It’s just part of the single parent guilt.

Of course hindsight is 20/20 and I am going to make sure that next year I give each child money and let the babysitter take them to the store.  They will get the satisfaction of “gifting” and I won’t feel the need to overcompensate to make them feel “normal.”  It’s all part of the give and take of making the best of the situation you are in.

April 21, 2017

It’s Not Always Unicorns & Rainbows

Living in a blended family is tough… there are good days and there are bad days. Just remember that it is all dependent on your perspective. If you focus on the negative, then it will consume your life. Negativity can put a shadow on everything else in your day!

DON’T LET IT HAPPEN.

Life may not always be all unicorns and rainbows, but if you truly try to live like it IS all unicorns and rainbows, then you will love the transformation in your life. When we focus on the positive and take every baby step like a mountain has been conquered, then you start to realize that life is pretty darn fantastic.

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You realize that you aren’t the only one going through whatever it is that you are going through… and that if others can persevere and come out on top, then YOU CAN TOO.

As a co-parent, try to be proactive rather than reactive. Treat your ex like you want to be treated. Share information that you would want shared with you. Share only information with your children that you would want your ex to share with them. Never speak poorly of your ex in front of the kids or your friends (let’s be realistic… I mean, you are going to speak candidly about things with your closest friends and family, but there is no need to run your ex into the ground. It’s kind of a reflection on YOU too if you were married to the person for a while!!!!). Encourage a positive relationship with your children and your ex. Show your children how to live a life with grace and forgiveness… to love others unconditionally like Christ loves us.

Surround yourself with like-minded people who also live a life of grace and forgiveness and kindness and love. The more you surround yourself with those people, the harder it is for the negative and high conflict people to affect you. If negativity tries to seep in then IGNORE IT.

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Just follow the golden rule and things will slowly but surely get better. Hope is a wonderful thing and if there is one thing I can do today, I would like for it to be that I have given hope to someone who is going through a hardship of any kind. My children pick on me because I smile incessantly… but if my smile can boost just one person’s day or help me ignore negativity when it surrounds me, then I AM GOING TO KEEP ON SMILING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My wish is that you too can live a beautiful life full of love and laughter. It’s a wonderful place to be… I am blessed indeed.

HAPPY FRIDAY… xoxoxo Val

December 15, 2016

My Christmas Wish List For Divorced Families

I thought this worthy of a repeat performance! This is my true wish for all of you this Christmas!!!! ❤ Valerie

Life in a Blender...

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Update 12/22/13 — This blog was published today by the Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/valerie-deloach/my-christmas-wish-list-fo_b_4487571.html

Christmas can be tough following a divorce. If you are single, then you may find yourself alone during a very vulnerable and emotional time. I know, because I was there. I will never forget my first Christmas Eve service at church without my children almost ten years ago. It was a baptism service which made it even harder for me. As we sang Silent Night in the candlelight, tears streamed silently down my face.

Things have certainly improved since then and I am thankful that I have been blessed with an amazing husband and two wonderful step-children who God clearly handpicked for my children and me. The week before Christmas is not quite as lonely as it used to be while my kids are at their dad’s house.

Emotions run high around the holidays and co-parenting can…

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March 22, 2016

I Will Never Be The Mother I Want To Be…

I had the best childhood. It wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty darn close. My parents were together and my mother was a stay-at-home mom. We got off the bus and my friends would come over to my house to eat popcorn or cookies that my mom made before we arrived. Even during the holidays when we were in college, everyone came to my house to congregate before going out. She would always have pimento cheese and other appetizers for us to eat.

My mother was ever-present. I can’t always remember everything about my childhood, but I know my mother was always there. Even if she was giving us our space when I had friends over (which was a lot), her presence was still known. She would pop in every once in a while to see if we needed anything or to ask if we needed her to take us somewhere.

Even through boarding school and college, my mom was there for me. It was before cell phones (well, unless you call a bag phone a cell phone), so she wrote me a lot of letters and we talked a lot. I would look forward to the holidays when I would go home and we would sit around the dinner table laughing and telling stories until at least midnight!

Because of this pretty idyllic childhood, I have had expectations of the kind of mother that I wanted to be. I too wanted to be the mom who was able to be home when my kids got home, with popcorn and cookies for their friends. I had full intentions of being that same “ever-present mom” that my mother was.

Divorce robbed that from me.

I have never written about this because the emotions have been so raw, but my world turned upside down when my son casually said, “Mom, can we talk about something?” He was finishing up 8th grade and had lived primarily with me for the past ten years of his life. He said he wanted to go live with his dad for high school. I was devastated and I did not handle it with the grace and calmness that I would have liked. After visiting the school, his dad and I took him to lunch to discuss the decision with him. As I held back my tears, I told him that I would support him.

Since that time, my son has thrived in this new environment. He is a sophomore and he has a high GPA and excels in basketball. I thought I had come to terms with it all until recently when my daughter expressed her desire to also go to high school where her brother is. All of the emotions, hurt, and rejection came flooding back to me. Everything I had just tucked away so that I wouldn’t have to think about it or feel it was fresh and raw and painful.

I was devastated yet again. When asked why I was so upset about it, I said I felt rejected. I felt like my children didn’t want to be with me. I couldn’t stand the thought of another woman spending more time with my children than I would. I FELT LIKE A BAD MOTHER.

There it is. I felt like a bad mother. I felt like I was losing my children. Although I would still have them one night a week and every other weekend (and can still see them at practices and games), I felt like I was a bad mom because I couldn’t be the “ever-present mother” I wanted to be. I questioned why I had worked so hard to ensure my children had a good relationship with their father, only to have him take them from me. Why had I driven an hour and a half every Wednesday night for five years for the kids to have dinner with their dad? I did what any other crazy mother would do and I started searching MLS to find a house out in the country where their dad lives.

Then one night I talked to my daughter about my feelings and she said, “Mom, you will always be my mom, no matter what!” And something clicked in me… She was right.

A few days later, Joe and I walked on the beach together and talked about everything. We were deep in conversation and walked a lot longer than we anticipated, but I needed that walk. And it was appropriate that it happened on the beach because for me the beach represents our future and hopefulness. Joe and I look forward to the day when it’s just the two of us and we can move to the beach full-time.

On the beach, Joe helped me come to the realization that I WILL NEVER BE THE MOTHER I WANT TO BE. That’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s true. Things change in divorce – custody, remarriage, and new families – but the one thing that didn’t change was my expectation of what kind of mother I wanted to be.

That expectation was killing me inside.

I realized that day that although I will never be the mother that I want to be, I can be the best mother that I can be in the situation that I am in.

I must say that since I released those expectations of what a “mother” looks like, I have been so much happier, but more importantly, I have been able to be a better mother to my kids. I have started working on me and how to be the best I can to help our kids through the circumstances they face with divorced parents. My kids aren’t CHOOSING to be away from me, they just want to be fair since they have spent so much time so far in their lives away from their dad.

I’m looking forward to the day when they come home from college and we can sit around the table and laugh until midnight, but I now recognize that it may not happen as often as I would like since we will be sharing time with another set of parents. But that’s ok… I now have realistic expectations and a confidence that I will ALWAYS be their mom. No matter what.

February 16, 2016

There are NO Winners…

A common theme I have noticed in divorce situations is the desire between the exes to prove who is “the winner” and who is “the loser.” The conclusion I have reached is that if there are two parents who want to prove that they are the winner, then although the winner may be inconclusive… the loser is certain.

The KIDS are the losers.

Why do people have this innate desire to WIN? I know winning brings a feeling of euphoria, but why do these people choose this particular circumstance to try to win when the balance in the lives of their own children is the high price that is at stake?

The truth of the matter is that in divorce there are no winners. As I have written numerous times in the past, we are adults and we can get over ourselves and the situation. However, our ENTIRE focus should be on keeping things as balanced and normal as possible for our kids.

When I hear a child say, “I don’t want both parents there because that’s just weird,” then I immediately know that his or her parents handled the divorce wrong. Of course, this is assuming that there is no abuse present and that both parents are otherwise well-functioning people. The kids whose parents have put their own agendas aside for their kids are the kids who are comfortable loving both mom and dad, even in the same place – school performances, games, birthday parties. It’s the kids whose parents have tried their best to alienate their ex or undermine their ex who just want to avoid any contact between their parents because they know it won’t end well.

I get angry even as I type that because I just can’t understand how anyone who is any kind of a parent at all can purposefully put themselves and their own agenda above the happiness and security of their own children. I think those sad individuals are the ones who were probably never given role models on how to correctly behave in divorce situations. And I’ll take that even further to say they probably had no role model on how to be a respectable adult either.

Listen to your children. If they are not comfortable being near you both or they try to avoid situations where they have to invite you both to events, then YOU HAVE FAILED. You may feel like a winner because you have successfully convinced anyone who will listen how terribly you were wronged and how they too should despise your ex. Sorry, you can hang up your white hat because you don’t deserve it.

With that being said, it’s never too late to right the wrongs of the past.

Seek help. Even if your ex is unwilling, then you and your spouse need to attend co-parenting counseling on how to best help return some normalcy in the lives of your children. Therapists can be a great resource. I’ve gotten calls from two different friends who have recently started going to counseling with their ex and they both bring their spouses. If you can’t imagine doing that, then you need to rethink your priorities. In my opinion, those four couples are WINNERS. They are putting aside their own comfort to ensure the happiness of their children.

I’m excited about the future in our lives as we work hard to right the wrongs. At least I can go to bed at night and know that through it all we have given it our best. I’m hopeful. The kids deserve normalcy since they didn’t ask to go on this roller coaster with us. I want our kids to be the winners… even if it’s our expense.

What are you willing to do to fix your parenting failures??????

November 27, 2015

My Father’s Mother

This may end up being a jumbled mess of just words, but they are my thoughts that are overflowing from my heart the day after Thanksgiving. Yesterday was such a day of juxtaposition for me. Thanksgiving is a day of family and joy and gratefulness, but at the same time we started the day at a Turkey Trot to support childhood cancer while some old friends’ daughter is in pediatric ICU fighting for her life… then there was the typical teenage angst drama with our boys… all culminating with the death of my father’s mother last night.

You may wonder why I say “my father’s mother” as if I don’t really know her. Honestly, it’s because I don’t. Not like I should. My father was adopted as a baby by my grandparents, Revie and DeRoche Vincent. They were clearly wonderful parents because my father turned out to be, well… Charles Vincent. “The Honorable” Charles Vincent. And it is easy to say he was honorable well before he became a judge. I’m not naive enough to believe my dad is perfect. I am sure there have been missteps along the way and things in life he may regret, but he was raised to be an honest, kind and loving gentleman. There truly aren’t many like him around. He brought so much happiness to my grandmother and granddaddy. I feel confident in saying their pride in him was strong even in both of their last breaths.

While I could claim that grandmother and granddaddy did it alone, I can’t. After meeting my father’s birth mother and her family, I realize that genetics is even stronger than I knew. I always believed in nurture over nature… until I met them.

My dad had always wondered about his birth family, but it wasn’t until after the death of my grandparents (and with my grandmother’s blessing to do so) that he really start looking for them. He had gone to the Children’s Home to get information previously and saw from across the desk that his birth family lived in Virginia. He and my mom made many trips to the area for weekends to visit and dad would just look at the people in Floyd and wonder if they shared the same eyes or the same mouth. One trip to Floyd, VA they got a little side tracked and ended up pulling into a church parking lot to look at the map. Little did dad know what that church would end up meaning to him.

In 2008, prepared with pointed questions just like he would be prepared for interrogating a witness, he went back to the Children’s Home. He learned that he was actually born in Winston-Salem, NC and he had always been searching for his birth certificate in Virginia. Within 24 hours the investigator had located my father’s birth certificate. The miracle in this is that they used to pull off the birth certificate so there should not have been a record of it, but there was an error on his original, so they created TWO – one of which was still in the record books. We knew the name of his birth mother.

I was in Pinehurst for the week with my parents when we got a copy of his birth certificate. I jumped on my laptop and started searching. I found a pastor of a church in Virginia who had a mother with the same name and when his picture popped up we just KNEW. Mom and dad made a trip that weekend to the church to hear the man who could be his brother preach. When they pulled up, they realized it was the exact same church where they had stopped years before to look at the map!

It was a small church, but the people were very welcoming and dad spoke to some of the people around him. He asked if the pastor’s mother went to the church and he couldn’t believe it when they said she was living but lived in Martinsville. After the service, mom and dad shook hands with the minister and left. Mom said it was such an odd feeling to see dad shaking hands with a man who clearly resembled him. As an adopted child, he was not accustomed to having anyone (other than his kids) “resemble” him.

Dad mailed the minister a letter and asked to meet with him after the service the following Sunday. He said he could call him if he wanted to talk before then. The minister called and dad introduced himself and he told the minister that he was adopted but he thought they may have the same mother. The response that came was better than dad could have ever imagined… the minister said, “We have been waiting for you. Our mother is going to be so happy.” The following Sunday they had a “homecoming” at the church for my dad.

They have embraced our family as part of their own. Dad has five brothers and one sister. Since their family has reunited they have already suffered the loss of the oldest brother. Last night, his mother went to be with the Lord.

My regret is that I did not get to know her like I should have. I was unable to spend the time to get to know her over the past few years because of everything going on in my life, but admittedly I had a little internal struggle with my loyalty to my grandparents which probably got in the way of my efforts.

I have heard that “Grandma” was an amazing storyteller with a great sense of humor. She was also a peaceful person who could teach you a lesson without yelling or condemnation. Everyone who knew her said it was a blessing just to be in her presence. They said her love was abundant and her faith was unwavering even through some terrible hardships in her life.

This morning as I sit here thinking about her death, I realize that if she was like my father in so many ways, then I have truly missed out on getting to know an amazing person. My father may be a judge, but if anyone has ever been in front of him in court they know that he judges the facts… he never judges the person. He uses experience and stories to teach lessons to the defendants in his courtroom and his children and grandchildren. And just like his mother, he loves the Lord with all his heart.

I’m being very vulnerable as I type this through tears this morning, but I want others to realize that life is too short. We need to love others every day and don’t miss the chance to get to know or love someone just because you are “too busy.” We are all busy, but we could miss out on a chance to catch a shooting star. My heart is heavy this morning knowing I missed my chance.

Although I may not have had her throughout my life as my Grandma, she is teaching me lessons now through her death. She has taught me to put my family first… ALWAYS. She has taught me to love others unconditionally and to show them that love every day. You don’t have to say “I love you” over and over if you daily live a life that shows those you love that you do. She has taught me to be selfless and to love God with all my heart. She has made me want to strive to be the person that she was to her family so that I too can have a legacy like she has.

I am so thankful for her today and always. She was my father’s mother… and I love her for that. Nov. 23, 1924- Nov. 27, 2015

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That’s my dad sitting next to his mother surrounded by his siblings. I love how happy he looks…

 

September 14, 2015

The Struggle Of Communicating With Parents Who Don’t Communicate

This blog was originally posted on Carolina Parent Magazine’s website.

It’s that time of year again… the time when most parents rejoice and most kids moan. Back to school! After about 10 weeks of no bedtimes, sodas with dinner, and phones kept in bedrooms at night, the dreaded (or welcomed, depending on whom you ask) routine returns. The past couple of weeks have been tough in our house because the kids are fighting us tooth and nail regarding rules that they followed just fine only a couple of months ago. It’s also a tough time because with new schedules and routines, there is a lot of information that must be shared between parents. This sharing of information can often be a struggle for many divorced families.

I write a lot about the importance of communication in the co-parenting situation. Everyone knows it is best for the kids for their parents to do what they can to get along. Keeping secrets from the other parent and/or keeping them out of the loop when it comes to school performances or doctor’s visits puts the children in the middle. I have said a million times that forcing children to choose a side is very harmful and will have lasting effects on them.

While the struggle may be real for the children and parents, people often fail to realize that it’s a tough time for teachers and principals as well. Last weekend I was sitting out at a practice for one of my kids and someone asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was working on a blog for back to school in divorced families, but I couldn’t think of what to write about that was not already done. I had a principal on one side of me and a teacher on the other side and they shared with me how hard it is to deal with parents who don’t communicate with each other. That is a point of view I had not considered. Here are some of the points they made:

MISPLACED ANGER The parents are often so angry with each other, that if they are left off of an email or left out of a meeting, then they immediately attack the teacher or principal. If you are in a blended or divorced family, help the teachers out by always copying your ex on emails regarding the children. If you get a response and see that the teacher inadvertently left off the other parent, forward the message to the other parent. You may not like that person, but they have a right to be completely involved. It’s what is best for the children.

MORE WORK FOR TEACHERS Parents who can’t communicate are the ones who insist that the teacher make two copies of everything to be sent home or they require two separate meetings because they don’t want to sit at the same table with each other… even though it’s about the kids and not about them. The teacher I spoke to said it requires so much more work to make sure everyone stays informed. There are ways that you can help make things easier on the teachers. What my ex and I do is whoever signs the syllabus or report card scans a copy and sends it to the other immediately. That way we are kept informed and the teacher doesn’t have to do extra work. We also make sure that if one of us attends an Open House and the other one doesn’t, then we are sure to put both of our names and email addresses on all lists. Another thing we do is if one of us fills out a permission form, we always put the other parent as the emergency contact. It’s common courtesy to include the other parent whenever you complete any form for your child.

THE PAIN OF BEING PUT IN THE MIDDLE When a parent emails a teacher and shares information but does not copy the other parent, it puts the teacher in a very uncomfortable situation of not knowing what he/she can share with the other parent if then contacted separately. From what they told me, many parents will get angry with the teacher for sharing something with the other parent. It’s often much simpler for the teacher is everyone is copied on all emails and everyone attends all meetings. It eliminates the possibility of misinterpretation.

While all of these ideas are good in an ideal situation, they did acknowledge that sometimes if the parents are extremely difficult and are absolutely unable to put their own issues aside for the best interest of their child, then it can actually be better to have separate meetings because it keeps the conflict down and eliminates any he said/she said. However, you should do whatever you can do to not be one of those high conflict divorces. Try to help the teachers and school administrators by putting your differences aside to communicate for the kids. If you can’t do it for the teachers, then just focus on doing it for your children. Never forget that studies show that it is always best for your children for you to keep controversy to a minimum. The kids are not the only ones who will benefit.

July 9, 2015

Everything Else is Just Gravy…

“Everything else is just gravy…”

I have used that phrase more times than I care to admit. I’m not sure if it’s southern thing or if it’s just a saying that has been used FOREVER, but it’s fun to use because it has such great meaning. To me, I think it refers to everything beyond what is required… or something that is above or beyond what is necessary. It’s always good though, DEFINITELY good. I mean, who can say anything bad about gravy?

We may need the meat and potatoes to make a meal, but the gravy on top is just the perfect addition to make it something special.

When I started using Isagenix, I kept telling people that I loved the product because it gave me a tremendous amount of energy, and “the weight loss is just gravy.” Then when I would enroll friends I would say, “I just want to get my products paid for… everything else is just gravy.” Once I started making money in the business, I started telling people that I have a full time job I love, but “my Isagenix income is just gravy.”

I have found that on top of all of the amazing physical changes in my life since starting Isagenix – energy out of the roof (but not nervous energy), weight loss (20 lbs), great sleep (waking up rested and energized), and beautiful skin – I have had some great emotional changes as well. I have noticed I am much calmer in everything I do now (dropped two medications out of my life) and my perspective in general has improved.

Now I know I have always been pretty much annoyingly optimistic…. but yeah, it has gotten even worse.

I passed this sign on my way to my parking garage yesterday and I just had to stop to take the picture, because I thought of writing this blog:

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Life is ALL GRAVY…….

It hit me immediately that lately I have still let the little things get to me. I’ve let inconsequential people hurt my feelings. I have talked incessantly about a wrong that I felt had been done to a loved one. I felt broken inside because my kids are spending every other week with their dad (like they do every summer). I had been convincing myself that I was fine, but I had forgotten something so important… I was making happiness in my life just gravy. I wasn’t making it the most important thing. Happiness had become a by-product of other things, but was not my focus anymore.

WHAT?

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I was so disappointed in myself. That one sign made me realize that LIFE is to be celebrated! We can’t just celebrate the little extras, but we need to focus on celebrating everything.

When I think about my dashingly handsome husband who regularly surprises me with sweet texts and flowers and tells me daily how I am the most beautiful woman in the world (God knew who I needed in my life after my first marriage and He found Joe)…

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or when I think about our kids and the happiness they bring me even when they are the spoiled rotten selfish teenage kids that they wholeheartedly are…

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or when I think about my beautiful parents and my brother and his family and how blessed I was to grow up in such a supportive, loving, and idyllic life…

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or when I think about the friends that God has blessed me with who are there for me regardless and always listen to me and who introduce me to (and let me introduce to them) this amazing nutritional cleansing system that helped me do this in 30 days (THANKS JULIE).

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I can’t help but remember that LIFE IS A BLESSING. And just like gravy, life is all of the amazing, saucy goodness. Sit down now and start counting your blessings. Your entire perspective will change and you may end up being that annoying woman who smiles all the time at the gym and weirds people out (at least that’s what my son told me). I can’t help it I smile all the time!!!! It certainly beats the alternative….

There is one thing for sure…. my life IS all gravy.